Susan Silverman

Susan Silverman is creating a new model to support foster kids and families by tapping into the existing social capital of faith-based communities and creating new roles for everyone to play in support of young people.

Rabbi Susan Silverman founded the non-profit Second Nurture to transform the experience of fostering from one of isolation and difficulty to one of belonging and shared responsibility. Susan envisions a future where the decision to become a foster parent won't be so daunting, and where people all over the country who want to support foster kids will have ample opportunities to do so, even if they don’t play a “formal” role as foster parents themselves. The guiding philosophy is “all of our children are all of our children.”

To get there, Susan has designed a new model to support successful foster families by tapping into existing social networks and social capital, beginning with progressive faith-based communities, like synagogues and churches. Why faith communities? Because, among other things, they happen to be places where people already congregate, invest in trusting relationships, and share a deep inclination toward service. The idea is straightforward: connect the urgent demand for more support in the task of raising children with the supply of nurturing humans all around us who seek avenues through which to channel it. Second Nurture forms partnerships with progressive faith organizations to open their hearts and doors to the needs of local foster families, and then organizes people connected with those organizations into an extended support network with the mission of "caring for our caregivers.” Meanwhile, they partner with other service delivery organizations in the foster space as well as county departments of children and family services who increasingly see how Second Nurture benefits their work – and have begun referring families.

The underlying insight is that if we are going to truly support outcomes for foster kids, we need to move beyond the idea of a foster family as a singular unit, and instead normalize the act of fostering as a diverse constellation of engagements that strengthens communities and where everyone has a role to play. There is immense talent, skill and capacity within progressive faith-based communities, all of which are already engaged in social activism, and many of whom are willing to support young people in foster care – and their families – if they knew how. Second Nurture gives them a way, turning desire into action, so that in time, more families choose to foster in the first place, and the experience for young people will be more stable and more positive. Susan describes their role as a “switchboard with a heart and soul,” leaning on collaboration, partnership, and matchmaking – but she’s also revealing a fundamental design shift in how we think about successfully fostering which has implications at the national level.

Almost every single community that Second Nurture has interacted with has asked to become a host, and they’ve had to stop advertising in many places because they aren’t yet able to support all the foster families who want to join a Cohort. The demand for this model is immense and Susan has a plan for smart growth that will lift the Second Nurture Hub out of the day-to-day local operations and into a national role to gather and disseminate resources and guidance to the local Affiliates.

Over 400,000 kids are in foster care on any given day in the U.S., more than 100,000 of which are awaiting placement in a permanent home. One in three American adults has considered fostering or adoption at some point but the vast majority decide against it because the current system is so broken and hard to navigate. Of the few families that do decide to foster, half drop out within the first year. This high rate of turnover is harmful for kids who are already dealing with the inherent pain and trauma of being removed from their family of origin. On average, a child will spend 22 months (almost 2 years) in foster care and move three times.

Today’s foster care system is massive, ill-equipped, and often punitive for primary families, kids, and foster parents. For primary families, poverty is frequently confused with neglect, especially in cases of housing and food insecurity. Research from the University of Maryland estimates roughly 85% of families investigated by Child Protective Services are living 200% below the federal poverty line. This is why some experts (including Ashoka Fellows Amelia Frank Meyer and Sixto Cancel) argue that these are the cases in which families need more support rather than separation.

While far too many children are removed from their families in the first place, once that happens, there is a shortage of foster families who can provide a stable home for kids while attempts are made to reunite them with family or kin whenever possible. Despite an absolute reliance on foster families for the system to function, the system rarely provides what they need to succeed. For children in foster care, the government invests less than 50% of what it costs to raise a child. Foster families tend to be lower income, so the mere cost of fostering is an added stress that can quickly become untenable. On top of stressors concerning time, resources, mobility, etc., society tends to have a warped view of foster families as either angelic or demonic: “saving” children or using them for financial gain. This “othering” exists within the child welfare system as well, where foster families are often ignored, dismissed and mistrusted by agencies and biological families alike. Because of the complex barriers to fostering, child welfare authorities in almost every state are dealing with an extreme placement crisis. According to the national nonprofit iFoster that tracks trends across all 50 states, agencies in several states have been forced to seek temporary shelter for children wherever its available, including having kids sleep in their own offices, casino hotels, emergency rooms, retirement homes, and even former juvenile detention facilities. In the past few years, important policy reform has prompted a transition away from placing children in group homes and institutional settings, but the number of foster families hasn’t risen to meet that need.

Those who age out of the foster system without a family to rely on have terrible outcomes such as homelessness, sex trafficking, incarceration and poverty: 40-50% become homeless within 18 months of leaving care; 60% of sex trafficking victims have histories in foster care, as do 80% of inmates. Foster kids are found to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at twice the rate of war veterans. These outcomes result in a $1 million economic burden to society for each young person the system fails.

Instead of protecting kids and helping them to succeed, the foster care system often causes further harm. Those working within the system can hardly be blamed, as they move from one crisis to the next, short of resources and families -- they are stuck in crisis management and ill-equipped to consider creative solutions to connect to society’s resources, even as studies reveal that the number one need that both foster families and kids report is "belonging." Meanwhile, organizations trying to fix or supplement the system as-is are under-resourced and siloed – often inadvertently at odds with others even when they share the same goals. Reform will require many different interventions, including increasing community engagement in efforts to support foster youth.

For Second Nurture (2N), the way to break this cycle of trauma and pain is to help foster families be successful and to make fostering a possibility for more people. Susan’s strategy is to solve both problems simultaneously by refashioning the fostering relationship from one confined to the nuclear family unit to one that exists within the nurturing cradle of community. What makes it work is a deep partnership model that taps into the latent social capital and organizing capacity of existing organizations, beginning with faith-based groups. Susan is picking Faith institutions deliberately—as one of the few places left in society where people regularly come together to build community, there is untapped social capital that is ready to be utilized.

An empowered, loving and stable foster family is the key to best outcomes for kids, whether that is reunification with primary families, maintaining close relationships with those families, long-term fostering or adoption or any combination of these. Second Nurture “cares for the caregivers” by supporting foster families to achieve the best outcomes for kids and mobilizing concentric circles of support along the way. Susan wants this to become the norm nationwide.

2N’s model supports Cohorts of local foster families that are ensconced within a faith-based host community, like a synagogue or church. Host communities are connected to one another and supported by a regional affiliate, of which 2N currently has four – in Los Angeles, CA, Boston, MA, Chicago, IL, and Columbus, OH. Host communities are highly vetted, and as a rule, they must be progressive, (and would not impose their faith on a foster family, for example, or would be comfortable marrying a gay couple) and excited and able to take on the 2N model and make it their own.

Each Cohort of ~20 families is supported by a 2N Family Support Specialist. (Cohort families aren’t usually members of the Host community, nor necessarily of that culture). Cohorts meet monthly for discussions and to share a homecooked meal with supervised kids’ activities in an adjacent room. The support specialist, usually a former foster parent with deep knowledge of the system, facilitates the meetings, inviting families to share and support one another.

The Family Support Specialist (FSS) gets to know each family intimately and helps troubleshoot issues that arise whether system-related or in their personal lives. They coordinate a range of support for the Cohort, which can include trainings or workshops as needed. The FSS develops and manages partnerships with FFAs, DCFS and other social service providers, and helps families navigate the system. The FSS also communicates families’ needs to the Host Community when volunteers are needed. Monthly Cohort meetings are held on the Host Community premises, with its structural resources as well as a wealth of volunteers who offer professional skills (such as therapies, legal or educational support), support around daily needs (like catching up on laundry and dishes or babysitting) and/or become licensed for respite care.

There is immense talent, skill and capacity in the communities that 2N partners with, which are already creating embracing community spaces, are often engaged in social activism, and which can be quickly summoned to do something about the foster care problem. This is also in no small part because Susan taps into the deep ethic of respect, service, and commitment to others that is supported by faith, tradition, and community. 2N’s model turns desire into action and over time, fostering becomes a normal communal activity, with plenty of ways to contribute (beyond the specific path of becoming a foster parent). Teachers from the preschool volunteer to babysit at Cohort meetings, professionals of all kinds donate their time (veterinarians, dentists), others donate groceries or strollers, hold a pajama party for the Cohort kids so the parents can have a night out, or provide free office space for the cramped work-at-home foster parent. One synagogue started offering free day camp for all the foster kids in the Cohort, whose parents still have to work when school is out for the summer.

When a need can’t be met by the Host Community, 2N connects families with county agencies or private organizations that can provide resources and expertise like therapeutic services, diversity training, cultural opportunities, and more.

The results have been overwhelmingly positive. Foster kids gain aunts, uncles, and cousins, and build relationships with other kids in the foster system, which is rare. What may begin as a supportive network turns into a community of relationships. Susan hypothesizes that these concentric circles of support will have major positive implications for foster youth when they “age out” of the system. In contrast to the 50% drop-out rate for foster families after one year in the U.S. system (according to iFoster), 2N families have a drop-out rate of just 1%. Even when you adjust for self-selection among 2N families, this number is staggering. 2N families are also much more likely to accept siblings rather than splitting them up, which has a markedly positive effect on kids.

By normalizing foster care and adoption as a recognized, communal way of growing a family, 2N enables faith communities to a) recognize adoption and fostering as essential values and b) help foster and adoptive families see themselves reflected in the identity of the community. One of the commitments that each Host Community makes before taking on a Cohort is to integrate fostering into their programming and values. For example, they are required to feature fostering and highlight the 2N model in at least four services per year. Luckily, they don’t have to twist any arms. Many Host Communities report having higher turnout from their members for 2N-related events than they do for typical programming. Not only is 2N’s model increasing community engagement and buy-in, but it is also helping to simultaneously address some of the most pressing questions that progressive synagogues and churches are asking about their current and future relevance among the wider community – particularly as it relates to engaging young families. At the same time, exposure to foster families has resulted in community members deciding to foster. What seemed daunting or impossible when done in isolation is recast as a viable and meaningful way to become more engaged and to give back. Again, this addresses one of the biggest concerns among foster agencies: the lack of qualified families to take in children.

Importantly, 2N does not replicate any roles that exist in the Child Welfare world. Instead, they act as a master weaver and back-end support, partnering with agencies and organizations that already do the work well and 1) connecting them to the families; and 2) paying attention to gaps in services and miscommunications so that everyone can move meaningfully toward what is best for the child. In an ecosystem that is so under-resourced and siloed, 2N is unique in that it provides holistic support for foster families. They can do so by building strong partnerships with existing organizations and professional services, which strengthens their collective impact.

In addition to coordinating between families and governmental agencies, 2N holds agencies accountable and offers tools for improvement. Family Support Specialists keep a close record of everything they do to support their Cohort, including any issues a family may have while navigating the system. Rather than function like watchdogs, 2N builds relationships and trust within agencies so that they can work together to solve problems expediently. It doesn't take long for agencies to see 2N’s distinct value in keeping foster families engaged. As a trusted back-end partner, when 2N shares engagement reports and suggestions for improvement to agencies, their feedback is more likely to be taken seriously. As a nimble organization that understands the complexities of the system, 2N also knows which processes can be circumvented. They commonly play the role of intermediator between agencies – getting the right people on a call to solve an issue that would have taken months to schedule internally. Being the “water between the rocks” -- one way Susan describes the role of Second Nurture -- saves everyone time, money, and reduces the burden for families and kids. 2N is planning to launch a rigorous cost analysis to bolster its case to agencies like DCFS and perhaps tap into public funds.

2N acknowledges that fostering kids is, among many other things, messy and hard work. For Cohort members, the ability to share freely in a non-judgmental space is important and stands in stark contrast to their interactions with agencies, which tend to approach families as a means to an end. Because of the inherent trauma that a child experiences once having been (rightly or wrongly) removed from their family of origin, kids in the foster system are more likely to act out, which can be a major stressor for families who don’t understand trauma or know how to respond to certain behaviors in an effective way. Without basic education and support, situations can escalate unnecessarily, which hurts everyone involved and increases the likelihood of a family dropping out. Providing trauma-informed resources for families and Host Community members helps both groups understand why a kid may be acting out, identify behaviors and triggers more quickly, and develop skills to respond to these moments in an effective way.

2N also helps foster families better develop relationships with biological families whenever possible, as well as navigate the process of reunification, which often entails mixed emotions of joy and grief for foster families. In this realm of emotional complexity, 2N has core competencies that no agency shop is set up for. When possible, 2N supports relationships between foster and primary families, which improves continuity for the kids and contradicts agency habits that assume tension between families of origin and foster families.

2N will have 12 active Host Communities by the end of 2024. Meanwhile, almost every community that 2N has spoken with has asked to become a host, and they’ve had to stop advertising in many places because they barely have the bandwidth to serve all the foster families who want to join a Cohort. Susan has a vision for “smart growth” and is beginning to execute a 5–10-year plan that will get them there. As the four Affiliates have become more established, 2N is focusing on building an infrastructure—creating the materials and processes and systems—so that the model can be replicated with less oversight. In late 2024, they plan to launch the first chapter of this growth model, which includes a menu of fee-for-service options for Host Community engagement.

More financial resources will help to solidify the independence of the four Affiliates, which will help get the 2N “Hub”—the national entity—out of the day-to-day locally. In the next 5 years, Susan aims to lift the Hub into a national role to gather and disseminate resources and guidance to the Affiliates and to constantly re-develop and implement a strategic plan (this constant process of reexamination is crucial to keeping 2N effective and relevant for foster families). Susan describes the spread as a 75% federated model (like Planned Parenthood) and 25% grassroots (like Alcoholics Anonymous) to maintain flexibility for different contexts. Finally, 2N is partnering with the nonprofit iFoster, the largest national network for children, families, and organizations within the foster care system, to use 2N’s most recent Host Community as a lab for comprehensive data collection and impact measures – and as a way to increase visibility and build demand.

Susan grew up in New Hampshire as one of four sisters in a Jewish family that fostered kids. She experienced having her sister, Rose, leave the home to be moved closer to her biological siblings. Her infant brother died in an accident at the age of two. This yearning for a lost child melded with her DNA, and she always knew she wanted to foster or adopt.

As a young student activist, Susan was drawn to Jewish teachings around the social issues she cared most about. Her parents were Jewish atheists – and surprised when Susan announced that she was going to rabbinical school. As an adult, she and her partner grew their family in part through adoption.

Susan is a practical person with a track record of solving problems as swiftly and effectively as possible. An example: A number of years ago, the Israeli government was imprisoning and deporting African Asylum Seekers. There was a decision to deport en masse. She and two friends started a movement in which they enlisted 2,000 Israeli households to commit to harboring asylum seekers at risk of deportation/imprisonment. These families said to the government, “You want to deport people? You’ll have to come through your citizens to do it.” The government backed off, closed the detention center and ceased deportations. Their efforts were one important piece of many powerful national efforts against the government’s hateful decree, including lawsuits by Israeli human rights organizations and refusal by bus drivers and pilots to transport people to prison or deportation.

In her 2016 book, Casting Lots, Susan writes about her own family’s experience of fostering and adoption to bring depth and compassion to cultural misconceptions and the real barriers that keep more families from opening their homes to foster kids. While conducting research for the book, Susan interviewed hundreds of people (experts, families, people who had come through the foster system) about fostering and adoption in dozens of cities in the US and Canada. Susan realized that many more would foster and adopt successfully if they had direction, fellowship and support.

While conducting research for the book, Susan interviewed hundreds of people (experts, families, and people who had come through the foster system) about fostering and adoption in dozens of cities across the US and Canada. She realized that many more would foster and adopt successfully if they had direction, fellowship and support. As a Rabbi, Susan was embedded in compassionate, socially oriented communities of synagogues and wondered why they couldn’t be activated to form concentric circles of support around foster families. Not one to waste time, Susan founded Second Nurture in 2016 (the same year her book was published). Rabbi Susan Silverman lives in both the US and Israel.